Below is the tribute I gave at Mary's funeral service yesterday. I would never wish for that day to come when it did, but am thankful that I got to speak in honor of someone so dear. I'm continuing to pray for those that were present (myself included) that Ecclesiastes 7:1-2 would be true in our hearts and lives in the coming days and weeks; that this day where death has been placed before us, the living would lay it to heart.
To say that it’s difficult to find the words to describe Mary is a harsh understatement. Not because I don’t have enough to say, but because I still can’t wrap my mind around talking about her in the past tense. But, I want to do my best to honor a woman who meant so much to my family and me.
I met Mary in 2002. Brenden was in my nephew Zach’s kindergarten class. Mary and my sister quickly became best friends and along with that, our family quickly inherited a new sister and daughter. She was at all of our family gatherings, birthday parties, and celebrations. It’s hard to remember a time when she wasn’t part of our family. I have so many sweet memories with Mary, but hands-down my favorite is when Mary entered our family in a new and even deeper sense—Mary accepted Jesus Christ as her personal Savior and entered the family of God. I still remember the phone call from Wendy, telling me the news. We both cried, screamed, and jumped up and down, rejoicing with all of heaven that we had a new family member. Once she became our sister in Christ, our relationship with her was even sweeter, deeper and more full.
Mary wasted no time in growing deeper in her new relationship with God. I remember so many conversations with her—asking how to read the Bible, how to overcome sin, how to share her faith with those around her, including her husband and kids so that they too could know the hope she had. Once she committed her life to following Jesus Christ, there was no turning back.
Next came the phone call telling us that Butch had surrendered his life to Christ as well. We were stunned at what God was doing in this family’s life and that we got to have a front row seat, watching it all unfold.
To say that it was all just a walk in the park from that point on would be a lie. Butch, Mary and the kids still experienced difficulty and still had struggles. What was different was that all those struggles now had a purpose and Butch and Mary had a solid rock and firm foundation to stand on in the midst of their difficulties.
When Nik was diagnosed with Diabetes, Mary admitted it was difficult, but without hesitation said, “Well, I’ve been praying for a way to get closer to God. This isn’t what I was expecting, but it’s working!”
Next, came the news that none of us were expecting or could have ever been prepared for. I still remember the exact place I was standing when I talked to Butch on the phone as he told me Mary was in the hospital and that the doctors had found a mass in her esophagus. I didn’t know what to do other than sit by her side and cry with her. The day it was confirmed to be cancer, I spent the day sitting next to Mary’s hospital bed, praying with her, crying with her, holding her hand. Mary was in shock, but she hadn’t lost her sense of humor. The Yankees were playing that day and they lost. Without skipping a beat, Mary said with irritation, “The Yankees lost AND I have cancer?! Will this day get any worse?”
That day was just the beginning of a painful journey that Mary and her family had to walk down. I would be lying if I said I never questioned the wisdom of God in the process. Nothing about it seemed fair or that any good could come from all the pain. As I stand here today, I still have unanswered questions and no explanations as to why Mary had to experience what she did, or why her husband and kids have to pick up from here without her. It hurts and is clouded with confusion, fear, and uncertainty.
But, there are a few things that I know to be true regardless of circumstances, and I am clinging to these promises with everything in me:
1) Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever (Hebrews 13:8). Though life has changed completely for Mary’s husband and kids, He has not changed. He is constant and His promises sure.
2) His thoughts and ways are above ours. Isaiah 55:8-9 says, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” Though we are taken by surprise, He is not. Nothing happens outside His allowing it and even in these painful circumstances, He has a purpose and plan beyond what our limited minds can see or understand. He is still on his throne, reigning over all.
3) The moment Mary left this earth, she saw Jesus face to face. He wiped every tear from her eyes and all earthly pain and suffering was erased. For those who have come to Christ and accepted His forgiveness for sins, this eternal life with Him is a guarantee.
4) Mary has left her kids in the care of their Heavenly Father who loves them more than any of us ever could, even Mary. He has promised that He will never leave or forsake them (Heb. 13:5) and He will meet their every need (Phil. 4:19)
My heart aches and the human part of me would do anything to have her back here. But, I know she’s standing in the presence of her Creator and Savior and wouldn’t want to leave that place of indescribable beauty and perfect peace. Someday, we’ll see her again and worship God with her. But, until then, there are a few things I want to say to those for whom my heart is most burdened.
To Butch: You don’t have to walk this alone. Every person in this room is here as a support and comfort to you and the boys. But, we will fail a time or two and that is why your Heavenly Father is holding your hand every step of the way, upholding you in a way none of us can. Though it seems unbearable at times, He has promised to never give you more than you can handle and will give you supernatural strength when you feel most weak. 2 Corinthians 12:9 says, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”
To Brenden: I’ve watched you grow from a silly little Kindergartener to a mature young man who loves the Lord. Keep seeking Him, running to Him with your fear and pain and know that you and Nik are just as much nephews to me as Zach. I think God has big plans for your life and I know that the unimaginable hurt you are feeling will not be wasted by Him.
To Nik: I still remember visiting the hospital when you were born and every time I’ve babysat you since. I know you’re experiencing this hurt in a different way, but I’m praying you turn to Jesus to meet your every need, I know that’s what your mom wanted for you more than anything else.
To my sister Wendy: I know you’ve lost a friend in Mary that is irreplaceable. I know your heart breaks as a mother. I know it feels unbearable at times. But, I know our God is big enough to mend your heart in time and I know He will use you to meet needs in the lives of Mary’s kids in ways that no one else can. You have been a faithful and loving friend to Mary since day one. God used you to bring Mary to Jesus Christ. Without your influence in her life, this story would look entirely different.
To my nephew Zach: You have loved Brenden well. You’ve cried with him, laughed with him and stood by his side as he’s faced the most difficult moments of his life. The times I’ve had with you and Brenden in car rides to the hospital are times I will remember forever. Brenden will need your friendship now more than ever and I can’t stop praising God enough for the maturity you both have for your young age.
To the rest of Mary’s friends and family: I know you have all lost someone very dear to your heart, someone whose life changed yours. I know that nothing would make Mary happier than to know that you will be with her again for eternity. It’s never too late to admit your need for the forgiveness of Jesus Christ and surrender your life to Him. Mary’s life was transformed by that forgiveness and yours can be too. Mary will always be missed. But, for those of us who know Christ, we can have full confidence that we will one day see her again.
Every one here today had the privilege of experiencing life with Mary in some way. The pain we’re experiencing is a reminder that this world is not our home, we were created for another, better world, void of pain and suffering. We eagerly await the day that Mary is experiencing as we speak—where we will be free of pain and standing in the presence of our Creator; where every wrong will be made right and the eternal weight of glory will far outweigh the hurt of this world. Until that day, we will cling to Him, praising Him for those he places in our lives who give us a small glimpse of who He is—those like Mary McKarge.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Anchor of the Soul
So, it has been quite a while since I last wrote. My last post was about Mary and this post will be about Mary. So much has happened between now and then, but as I read over my last post, I realize there a few things that haven't changed--namely who God is.
Here's what changed in Mary's life--today she is at UCLA and nobody knows what is going to happen. The cancer has spread, her lung has collapsed, she needs a miracle to survive. Those words hurt to write. I can't believe it's gotten to this point. I'd be lying if I said I haven't ever looked to God and said, "Are you sure? Is this really what's best?" I "know' all the right answers. I know God's ways are higher than our own. I know that we deserve nothing from Him. I know that the sting of death has been taken away in the cross of Jesus Christ and the pinnacle of suffering that He experienced. I know those truths and I believe them with all of my heart. But, it hurts. So much. It hurts seeing Mary in so much pain and discomfort, it hurts seeing her children worried about their Mom and if she'll make it, it hurts to see my sister wondering if she'll lose her best friend. I hurt to see others around me hurting and grieving. It's difficult to trust that having 2 young kids possibly lose their mom is really what is best.
And in the midst of all that pain and fear, I want to make it clear that I do not doubt God and who He is. As crazy as this seems, there's this deep-rooted peace in knowing that this isn't the end. The only hope I can possibly cling to right now is knowing that this life is but a vapor and the afflictions experienced here are momentary; even if it is a lifetime of suffering, it is momentary because heaven awaits. If I didn't have that hope, if I didn't have that assurance for Mary and her kids and her husband and my sister, I would have nothing right now. Yes it still hurts, but it does not defeat. It is still uncomfortable, but it is not unbearable.
In America, it is so easy to be comfortable. It is so easy to pursue a life of ease--as long as everyone is healthy and happy and safe, we are good. We avoid pain and discomfort and sacrifice because it just doesn't feel good. But, that is not the life that Christ has called us to.
2 Corinthians 5:1-2 says, "For we know that if the tent, which is our earthly home, is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. For in this tent we groan, longing to put on our heavenly dwelling."
Sometimes, we don't even groan for heaven; in fact, we groan at the thought of having to leave this earth. If we aren't longing for heaven because we're just fine here on earth, something is wrong. Heaven isn't just the upgraded version of a cozy life here on earth, with even more TV shows and better food and comfortable beds. But, if that is all our pursuit is on this earth, that's what heaven starts to become in our minds. Instead, it's all about worshiping Jesus--both on the earth and in heaven. He's the only reason we have breath in our lungs, the only reason our hearts are beating, the only One who can ultimately and completely satisfy. He's what our hearts were created to long for and adore and delight in. When circumstances around us are uncomfortable, we are forced to come face-to-face with that reality.
Here's what I do know right now--I long for heaven more in the face of difficulty and suffering than I ever could in the midst of comfort and ease. I am reminded of the broken earth that I live on, the frailty of human life, my need for something and Someone greater than myself, my need for a hope to rest in that cannot be hindered by circumstances.
"We who have fled for refuge might have strong encouragement to hold fast to the hope set before us. We have this as a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul." Hebrews 6:18-19
This hope is all that holds me. Nothing else is as sure and steadfast. Without it, I can hope for nothing better than an easy life on earth and when suffering comes into my life or the lives of those around me, I have nothing to cling to. The question then becomes, not "Why does this suffering have to take place?" but instead, "Why would the God of the universe suffer the most agonizing death in all of human history so that I could have this hope? Why would He do that for me, a lowly sinner?"
"Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ's sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed." 1 Peter 4:12-13
Rejoicing in a hope that is not of this world,
Emily
Here's what changed in Mary's life--today she is at UCLA and nobody knows what is going to happen. The cancer has spread, her lung has collapsed, she needs a miracle to survive. Those words hurt to write. I can't believe it's gotten to this point. I'd be lying if I said I haven't ever looked to God and said, "Are you sure? Is this really what's best?" I "know' all the right answers. I know God's ways are higher than our own. I know that we deserve nothing from Him. I know that the sting of death has been taken away in the cross of Jesus Christ and the pinnacle of suffering that He experienced. I know those truths and I believe them with all of my heart. But, it hurts. So much. It hurts seeing Mary in so much pain and discomfort, it hurts seeing her children worried about their Mom and if she'll make it, it hurts to see my sister wondering if she'll lose her best friend. I hurt to see others around me hurting and grieving. It's difficult to trust that having 2 young kids possibly lose their mom is really what is best.
And in the midst of all that pain and fear, I want to make it clear that I do not doubt God and who He is. As crazy as this seems, there's this deep-rooted peace in knowing that this isn't the end. The only hope I can possibly cling to right now is knowing that this life is but a vapor and the afflictions experienced here are momentary; even if it is a lifetime of suffering, it is momentary because heaven awaits. If I didn't have that hope, if I didn't have that assurance for Mary and her kids and her husband and my sister, I would have nothing right now. Yes it still hurts, but it does not defeat. It is still uncomfortable, but it is not unbearable.
In America, it is so easy to be comfortable. It is so easy to pursue a life of ease--as long as everyone is healthy and happy and safe, we are good. We avoid pain and discomfort and sacrifice because it just doesn't feel good. But, that is not the life that Christ has called us to.
2 Corinthians 5:1-2 says, "For we know that if the tent, which is our earthly home, is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. For in this tent we groan, longing to put on our heavenly dwelling."
Sometimes, we don't even groan for heaven; in fact, we groan at the thought of having to leave this earth. If we aren't longing for heaven because we're just fine here on earth, something is wrong. Heaven isn't just the upgraded version of a cozy life here on earth, with even more TV shows and better food and comfortable beds. But, if that is all our pursuit is on this earth, that's what heaven starts to become in our minds. Instead, it's all about worshiping Jesus--both on the earth and in heaven. He's the only reason we have breath in our lungs, the only reason our hearts are beating, the only One who can ultimately and completely satisfy. He's what our hearts were created to long for and adore and delight in. When circumstances around us are uncomfortable, we are forced to come face-to-face with that reality.
Here's what I do know right now--I long for heaven more in the face of difficulty and suffering than I ever could in the midst of comfort and ease. I am reminded of the broken earth that I live on, the frailty of human life, my need for something and Someone greater than myself, my need for a hope to rest in that cannot be hindered by circumstances.
"We who have fled for refuge might have strong encouragement to hold fast to the hope set before us. We have this as a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul." Hebrews 6:18-19
This hope is all that holds me. Nothing else is as sure and steadfast. Without it, I can hope for nothing better than an easy life on earth and when suffering comes into my life or the lives of those around me, I have nothing to cling to. The question then becomes, not "Why does this suffering have to take place?" but instead, "Why would the God of the universe suffer the most agonizing death in all of human history so that I could have this hope? Why would He do that for me, a lowly sinner?"
"Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ's sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed." 1 Peter 4:12-13
Rejoicing in a hope that is not of this world,
Emily
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