Time

I find myself wrestling over and over again with the timing of the Lord.  In my human impatience and anxiety, I want to know now.  But, God doesn't seem to be as concerned with the timing as he is with the outcome.  He knows the number of days, minutes, seconds that are needed in the fulfillment of his purposes in my life.  He doesn't delay a single moment.  From where I sit today, there are quite a few circumstances in which I wish I could fast-forward 5, 10, 20 years and see the outcome.  But, from where He sits, the beginning and the end are clear and the process of getting from where I am today to where He wants me to be is one of waiting on Him.  He knows exactly how long it will take and the conditions along the way that will bring about the end result.


Here are some of my favorite verses lately about His perfect timing:

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:

 a time to be born, and a time to die;

a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;

 a time to kill, and a time to heal;

a time to break down, and a time to build up;

 a time to weep, and a time to laugh;

a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

 a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;

a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

 a time to seek, and a time to lose;

a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

 a time to tear, and a time to sew;

a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

 a time to love, and a time to hate;

a time for war, and a time for peace....

He has made everything beautiful in its time."

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8,11

When I look at each of the "times" that God has ordained, I am humbled.  Each of those seasons are part of His plan.  He doesn't want to skip over the season for weeping to get back to laughing again.  He doesn't want to start building up before the season for breaking down is over.  Each of those are beautiful in their own right, none more beautiful than the other.  There is always something that He has for me in each and every season He has planted me in and I don't want to skip over it just to get to the next season.  

Habakkuk also wrestled with the timing of the Lord and went to God often with His fear and desire for immediate justice.  "Come on, God.  This surely can't be what you have planned, everything just seems to be going bad all around me."  And then, God answers him, saying that his plan is good, but too good for Habakkuk to understand with his human mind from where he stands.  Habakkuk answers again, "Ok, Lord.  I get it.  You're good, your ways are beyond me....but, seriously, how long are you going to let this go on for?"  And, then God responds in this way:

For still the vision awaits its appointed time; 

it hastens to the end--it will not lie.  

If it seems slow, wait for it;

it will surely come; it will not delay.  

I love God's response.  He doesn't tell Habakkuk when His plan will be fulfilled or even how; just that it will be fulfilled and at exactly the right moment.  Habakkuk continues to wrestle with God, but finally comes to the conclusion that he still has so much to rejoice in because the goodness and faithfulness of God is still evident, even in seeming desolate seasons.

Finally, there is this little gem of a passage in Malachi 3:2-3

For He [the Lord] is like a refiner's fire and fullers' soap.

He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver, 

and he will purify the sons of Levi and refine them like gold and silver,

and they will bring offerings in righteousness to the Lord."

His goal is refining us until we are ready to come to Him with offerings of righteousness.  Wow.  What a wise and patient God.  A refiner sitting down, holding silver over a flame, watching all of the imperfections bleed out until the desired result is accomplished--that's what my Heavenly Father does with me.  He sees the beauty that is hidden underneath and is willing to sit next to the flame until that beauty comes through brilliantly; He knows exactly how long that will take and He sits there patiently until just the right moment. 

My Father understands time in a way that is so different than I do--and I love Him for it.  Just another proof of how worthy He is of my praise and adoration; He is so unlike me, so wise in all He does, so unlimited by minutes and hours and days and years.  So, like Habakkuk, I will rejoice in the Lord though I don't understand all of his ways.  I will look forward in anticipation to the revelation of His plan, but I will wait with quiet patience and joy because of who God is and what He's already done today.

Someday

It's just been one of those days.  You know, the ones where you wish you could just crawl back into bed, escape the world, pretend like reality isn't really what it seems, maybe shed a few tears in the middle of all that?

For those of you who don't know about my latest adventure, it's been the most....(for lack of a better word) mixed....experience of my life.  Devastating.  Hopeful.  Unspeakably difficult.  Incredibly rewarding. Exhausting. And even more emotions than I really know how to express.  Sometimes it's all of these emotions within the same 5 minutes.

I am the "nanny" for Mary's kids.  {For the record, I hate the word "nanny."  It sounds so impersonal to me. But, that's not what I'm here to write about.  Not today anyway. :) }

Every day, I look into the faces of two boys who just lost their mom.  Not a moment goes by that I don't think of Mary, miss her, and ache for eternity.  Most days, we go through our routine, the "new normal."  It's never easy.  But some days--like today--that pain is even deeper and more prevalent.  The Lord has been gracious and has proven faithful in giving me exactly what I need to face each day.  Nothing more.  Nothing less.  But some days, the tears are harder to hold back than usual.  I mean, what do you say to a 7-year-old who is crying, saying "I miss mommy"?  How do you let a junior high boy know that it's okay to cry? 

I have so many questions.  Almost all of them are unanswered.  Why did Mary have to suffer as she did?  Why did she have to die so young with two kids who need her?  What does God have planned for her kids?  Who will they become and how is God going to use this in their story? Will it end with their hearts being bitter towards Him?  Or will they someday say, "God is enough.  He is good.  His plans for my life are good. I will follow Him to the very end."

Over and over again, God reminds me that these things take time.  I don't know what the end of this story looks like.  But I know it's not over.  And I have full confidence that all of it will not be wasted in the hands of a sovereign and loving God.  He has a purpose that cannot be thwarted and I have to believe that even when it's difficult to feel it.


The following lyrics are from Nichole Nordeman's song "Someday."  It's pretty much where I'm at right now:

I believe in the rest of the story
I believe there's still ink in the pen
I have wasted my very last day
Trying to change what happened way back when

I believe it's the human condition
We all need to have answers to why
More than ever, I'm ready to say that I
Will still sleep peacefully
With answers out of reach from me until

Someday all that's crazy
All that's unexplained
Will fall into place
And someday all that's hazy
Through a clouded glass
Will be clear at last
And sometimes we're just waiting
For someday

We are born with a lingering hunger
We are born to be unsatisfied
We are strangers who can't help but wander
And dream about the other side of

Someday all that's crazy
All that's unexplained
Will fall into place
And someday all that's hazy
Through a clouded glass
Will be clear at last
And sometimes we're just waiting
For someday

Every puzzle's missing piece
Every unsolved mystery
More than half of every whole
Rests in the Hands that hold you for someday

Today, I'm just waiting for Someday.  But I know it's coming.  That's the beauty of it all.  Because of  what Jesus has done on my behalf, I know that Someday is coming.  The day when I will see the fullness of God's plan.  The day when I will see clearly the end from the start.  The day when questions won't even matter anymore because I will be standing before Him, seeing just how good and beautiful He is.  My faith shall become sight and I won't have to fumble in the darkness of uncertainty any longer.  I long for that day with everything in me. If I didn't have the assurance that Someday was coming, I don't know how I could face today.  But the hope I have in knowing it's coming changes everything.

So...bring it on, temporary life!  You are quickly fading, but what awaits far outweighs every tear and seemingly unbearable moment.  You may have me for 70, 80, even 90 years, but Jesus has me for eternity. And all you can try to rob me of here can't take away what I already have in Him forever.

"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us." Romans 8:18