Someday

It's just been one of those days.  You know, the ones where you wish you could just crawl back into bed, escape the world, pretend like reality isn't really what it seems, maybe shed a few tears in the middle of all that?

For those of you who don't know about my latest adventure, it's been the most....(for lack of a better word) mixed....experience of my life.  Devastating.  Hopeful.  Unspeakably difficult.  Incredibly rewarding. Exhausting. And even more emotions than I really know how to express.  Sometimes it's all of these emotions within the same 5 minutes.

I am the "nanny" for Mary's kids.  {For the record, I hate the word "nanny."  It sounds so impersonal to me. But, that's not what I'm here to write about.  Not today anyway. :) }

Every day, I look into the faces of two boys who just lost their mom.  Not a moment goes by that I don't think of Mary, miss her, and ache for eternity.  Most days, we go through our routine, the "new normal."  It's never easy.  But some days--like today--that pain is even deeper and more prevalent.  The Lord has been gracious and has proven faithful in giving me exactly what I need to face each day.  Nothing more.  Nothing less.  But some days, the tears are harder to hold back than usual.  I mean, what do you say to a 7-year-old who is crying, saying "I miss mommy"?  How do you let a junior high boy know that it's okay to cry? 

I have so many questions.  Almost all of them are unanswered.  Why did Mary have to suffer as she did?  Why did she have to die so young with two kids who need her?  What does God have planned for her kids?  Who will they become and how is God going to use this in their story? Will it end with their hearts being bitter towards Him?  Or will they someday say, "God is enough.  He is good.  His plans for my life are good. I will follow Him to the very end."

Over and over again, God reminds me that these things take time.  I don't know what the end of this story looks like.  But I know it's not over.  And I have full confidence that all of it will not be wasted in the hands of a sovereign and loving God.  He has a purpose that cannot be thwarted and I have to believe that even when it's difficult to feel it.


The following lyrics are from Nichole Nordeman's song "Someday."  It's pretty much where I'm at right now:

I believe in the rest of the story
I believe there's still ink in the pen
I have wasted my very last day
Trying to change what happened way back when

I believe it's the human condition
We all need to have answers to why
More than ever, I'm ready to say that I
Will still sleep peacefully
With answers out of reach from me until

Someday all that's crazy
All that's unexplained
Will fall into place
And someday all that's hazy
Through a clouded glass
Will be clear at last
And sometimes we're just waiting
For someday

We are born with a lingering hunger
We are born to be unsatisfied
We are strangers who can't help but wander
And dream about the other side of

Someday all that's crazy
All that's unexplained
Will fall into place
And someday all that's hazy
Through a clouded glass
Will be clear at last
And sometimes we're just waiting
For someday

Every puzzle's missing piece
Every unsolved mystery
More than half of every whole
Rests in the Hands that hold you for someday

Today, I'm just waiting for Someday.  But I know it's coming.  That's the beauty of it all.  Because of  what Jesus has done on my behalf, I know that Someday is coming.  The day when I will see the fullness of God's plan.  The day when I will see clearly the end from the start.  The day when questions won't even matter anymore because I will be standing before Him, seeing just how good and beautiful He is.  My faith shall become sight and I won't have to fumble in the darkness of uncertainty any longer.  I long for that day with everything in me. If I didn't have the assurance that Someday was coming, I don't know how I could face today.  But the hope I have in knowing it's coming changes everything.

So...bring it on, temporary life!  You are quickly fading, but what awaits far outweighs every tear and seemingly unbearable moment.  You may have me for 70, 80, even 90 years, but Jesus has me for eternity. And all you can try to rob me of here can't take away what I already have in Him forever.

"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us." Romans 8:18