I still remember the many dark, tear-filled nights of confusion and despair. At 12 years old, I didn't understand what the announcement really meant. I just knew it wasn't good and that somehow it changed life as I knew it, forever.
I was in Junior High, an already awkward phase of life. There was many things I didn't understand at the time--like boys, friendships, algebra, the way my body was changing. With the addition of my 4 cousins and aunt, we had 5 extra people living under the same roof . My favorite dog and beloved pony both died. And now this. This news that kept haunting me, though I didn't even fully understand what it meant.
"Your mother has Parkinson's Disease." My dad's calm tone helped ease the sting, but only slightly.
I knew something wasn't right over the past few months. My mom just wasn't herself. And now doctors and second opinions had affirmed the news that months of speculation had feared.
This year marks 12 years since my mom was diagnosed with Parkinson's and thus means my mom has had the disease for half of my life. I've known my mom with Parkinson's as long as I knew her without. And, since the early years of life aren't remembered very clearly, it's safe to say that she has had Parkinson's in the majority of my memories with her.
When I think about that year in my life, a dark and gloomy cloud still hangs over most of what I remember. And yet, in the years since then, streams of sunlight have broken through as I can trace God's faithful hand over each and every detail. Through Parkinson's Disease, He has taught me lessons that I'm not sure I could learn any other way. I still wish that my mom didn't have to go through what she does every single day; but, it's what God has chosen for her and for our family, so we accept it--even if it's sometimes through tears. Here are some of the lessons He's taught me:
1) He is all I have. As a junior higher, everything around me was changing and nothing was reliable. My mom was the most sure and constant thing in my life. Or so I thought. She was there every morning when I woke up and every day when I came home. She was the only person I told everything and was the shoulder to cry on when my friends let me down or when I didn't do well on a test. Yet, she was still human. God used her being diagnosed with Parkinson's to show me that He alone needed to be my refuge and hope and sure foundation. The news rocked my world in such a real way, mostly because it reminded me that my mom wouldn't last forever. She couldn't meet my every need; she was never meant to. Only the God of the universe could do that; and He had stepped into a broken world to be everything I would ever need.
2) There is more. This world is broken and it's passing away. Seeing the frailty of my mom's previously healthy and strong body caused me to look forward to the hope of new bodies in heaven. And more than new bodies, the new life that awaits us; a life without brokenness and disease and all the damaging effects of sin. I long for that day for my mom. I long for that day for all of humanity. The day when we will know fully what we were created for; that which sin stole in the Garden, that which God became man to win back for us. And somehow, it will be even more beautiful for having once been so broken. Knowing what life in perfect unity with God is like will be understood so much more richly for having once been a stranger to that unity. When my mom has a renewed body, she will appreciate it so much more for once walking in a body tormented by disease.
3) Life is a vapor. Though it's true with or without Parkinson's, the disease is a reminder that I don't know how long I will have my mom. The thought of not having her here on my wedding day or to meet my kids someday frightens me. But, I am not called to worry about those things. She is here today. And none of us are guaranteed tomorrow. I have learned to embrace the today that I have with my mom and with others and to see each moment that is given from the hand of God as an undeserved gift.
4) He teaches through affliction what we cannot learn through mercies. I was first confronted with this idea in an Ann Judson biography. There are things that I truly cannot learn apart from pain and affliction. For example, I have experienced the comfort of God in ways that I never could have experienced without the pain of Parkinson's disease. I have experienced an aching for heaven that I would never know without the discomfort the disease has brought. I have grown to love and cling to the promises of God in ways that I never would have without being desperate for them.
5) He is compassionate and merciful. James 5:11 has become a favorite verse of me over the past couple of years. It says that in the story of Job, we see the purpose of the Lord--that He is compassionate and merciful. When I first read it, I was just confused. I could think of a million other adjectives to describe God's purpose through Job's story before the words "compassionate" and "merciful" would come to mind. But, as I've reflected on this journey our family has taken with Parkinson's Disease, I have come to understand the purpose of the Lord in deeper ways, ways that point so powerfully to His compassion and mercy. He is compassionate and merciful to bring us to a place of groaning in these earthly tents so that we're always longing for Home. He is compassionate and merciful to allow us to walk through pain so that we can share with Him in His suffering. He is compassionate and merciful to let us experience discomfort so that we can know the depth of comfort that He alone can offer us. He is compassionate and merciful to look past our desperate groaning to be removed from our difficult circumstances, knowing that He is producing in us something infinitely more valuable than we could ever imagine--becoming more like Him. He sees our pain, He bears it with us, and yet He allows it to continue because His ultimate goal for us is our holiness, not our momentary happiness. What a compassionate and merciful God.
God is writing a beautiful story that started before the foundation of the world and will continue for all eternity. And He uses every hurt and pain and disappointment for the good of His ultimate purpose. Parkinson's Disease isn't outside of His control. It's part of His plan, not just for my mom and our family, but for the bigger story He's writing--the story of redeeming the world that has been broken by sin. One day, Parkinson's disease will be no more. One day, the tears that this disease and so many others have caused will be wiped away, forever. One day, it will all be made right. And the memories of all this earthly pain will serve as a reminder of just how much Christ won for us on the cross. And we will worship Him forever because of it.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Celebrating my Mom
 | |||
| November 8, 2008 |
The above picture was taken just 3 days after she had brain surgery to help alleviate the symptoms of Parkinson's disease. I love it for so many reasons, mostly because it shows the joy and peace that illuminate so brightly from her, with no regard to circumstances. And today, as the 62nd year of her life begins, I would like to take some time to share some of the reasons I love this incredible woman.
1) She loves Jesus Christ.
2) She is a woman marked by prayer.
3) She believes that God does what He says He will do.
4) She has a soft heart to the things of the Lord.
5) She loves others in word and deed (a rare combination)
6) She is honest about her struggle to trust God.
7) She looks for the best in others.
8) She always puts others before herself.
9) She never complains.
10) She lays down her life on a daily basis to serve others.
11) She loves laughter.
12) She enjoys life and taught her kids to enjoy it as well.
13) She sacrificially loves her kids.
14) She has faithfully loved her husband for 42 years.
15) She is diligent
16) She gets out of bed each morning, even though it's indescribably hard to do so
17) She is content in the Lord and in what He provides
18) She has a spirit of gentleness
19) She listens far more than she speaks
20) She proves wisdom by her actions more than by her words (though there's wisdom in her words, too)
21) She understands that true beauty is not skin deep
22) She maintains a beautiful outward appearance that is timeless and classy.
23) She knows this world isn't her home and lives like it.
24) She takes her fears to the Lord before she takes them to people
25) She is hospitable and her home will always be my favorite place to go on this earth.
So, mom, if you're reading this--I could thank you for a million things. But, more than anything I am thankful that in you, I have seen a beautiful picture of Jesus Christ and the selfless love He has for His people. I rejoice that He has given you another year here on this earth to point people to Him and will never be able to thank Him enough for giving me the privilege to live under your example. You have been the hands, feet, and mouthpiece of God in my life and in the lives of so many others. Today, we celebrate YOU!
Monday, January 2, 2012
2012
When I read this prayer, I cried. It resonated so deeply within my heart.
That I can recall, I have never had a more difficult year as a whole than 2011. The year brought some of the deepest hurts I have ever experienced.
I watched my sister walk through losing her best friend.
I watched as Mary, who had become like family to us, struggled with a very aggressive cancer that showed no mercy.
I walked alongside two young boys as they struggled through the months immediately following their mom's death.
I watched close friends walk through their most heart-wrenching circumstances in life to date.
I walked through months and months of unending conflict with another believer, the deepest and most draining conflict I have ever been in with another believer (or with anyone for that matter).
I moved multiple times, changed jobs a few times, messed up a lot.
All this to say, 2011 was excruciatingly difficult.
But, I also experienced some of the deepest joys I have ever known as I saw the Lord powerfully make Himself known in the darkest moments of this year.
I experienced the comfort of the Lord in ways I have never known before.
But, if I were to sum up this year with one word, one lesson, one truth, it would be this:
Grace.
I understood the grace of the Lord in deeper and more profound ways than I have ever known. Over and over again this year, I realized how frail I am. How sinful I am. How often I let people down. How impossible it is for me to do any of it on my own. And I saw His strong, yet kind hand lift me up again and again, reminding me that I don't stand in what I do or don't do; I stand only in what He has already done on my behalf.
It is finished.
There is an abundance of grace. And that's good news for me, because I need it every moment of every day.
The temptation for me in starting a new year is to think that because of a change in the date on the calendar, I can suddenly be a new person overnight (literally). I can make lists and lists of all the things I want to change and do better this year, and can hold on to the hope that this year will be easier.
But, if that were the case, then I missed the point of it all. The last 12 months of tears and frustration and impatience and hurt and grief would all be wasted if I really believed that I can change myself and that a life free of uncomfortable things is somehow better.
The reality is that though there were plenty of resolutions that I did not keep from the start of 2011 to now, there is one thing that I did grow in: I think I understand the gospel more deeply, simply because I've needed it and clung to it in new ways.
So....I will make goals and plans for this year and seek to grow and improve. But, none of that can be done apart from grace. Because, I am going to fail inmany all of those well-intended goals. I will need his grace in ways this year that will be new and different than the ways in which I needed it last year. But that grace and the God who extends it are the same this year as they were last year. And He knows who He wants me to be at the end of 2012 and what it will take to get me to that place. If it is through more tears and trials and disappointment, I will gladly accept that because I know His grace will be there to meet me. I know He will be there in those moments. And He is what I want more than anything else in this world.
So, I have goals and plans for growth this year. But, more than a more organized schedule or a neater room, I just want to know Him more. I want to abide in Him. I want to be changed by Him. I want to say, at the end of 2012, that I have been given a more clear picture of the gospel and a deeper understanding of what it means for today, right now.
That I can recall, I have never had a more difficult year as a whole than 2011. The year brought some of the deepest hurts I have ever experienced.
I watched my sister walk through losing her best friend.
I watched as Mary, who had become like family to us, struggled with a very aggressive cancer that showed no mercy.
I walked alongside two young boys as they struggled through the months immediately following their mom's death.
I watched close friends walk through their most heart-wrenching circumstances in life to date.
I walked through months and months of unending conflict with another believer, the deepest and most draining conflict I have ever been in with another believer (or with anyone for that matter).
I moved multiple times, changed jobs a few times, messed up a lot.
All this to say, 2011 was excruciatingly difficult.
But, I also experienced some of the deepest joys I have ever known as I saw the Lord powerfully make Himself known in the darkest moments of this year.
I experienced the comfort of the Lord in ways I have never known before.
But, if I were to sum up this year with one word, one lesson, one truth, it would be this:
Grace.
I understood the grace of the Lord in deeper and more profound ways than I have ever known. Over and over again this year, I realized how frail I am. How sinful I am. How often I let people down. How impossible it is for me to do any of it on my own. And I saw His strong, yet kind hand lift me up again and again, reminding me that I don't stand in what I do or don't do; I stand only in what He has already done on my behalf.
It is finished.
There is an abundance of grace. And that's good news for me, because I need it every moment of every day.
The temptation for me in starting a new year is to think that because of a change in the date on the calendar, I can suddenly be a new person overnight (literally). I can make lists and lists of all the things I want to change and do better this year, and can hold on to the hope that this year will be easier.
But, if that were the case, then I missed the point of it all. The last 12 months of tears and frustration and impatience and hurt and grief would all be wasted if I really believed that I can change myself and that a life free of uncomfortable things is somehow better.
The reality is that though there were plenty of resolutions that I did not keep from the start of 2011 to now, there is one thing that I did grow in: I think I understand the gospel more deeply, simply because I've needed it and clung to it in new ways.
So....I will make goals and plans for this year and seek to grow and improve. But, none of that can be done apart from grace. Because, I am going to fail in
So, I have goals and plans for growth this year. But, more than a more organized schedule or a neater room, I just want to know Him more. I want to abide in Him. I want to be changed by Him. I want to say, at the end of 2012, that I have been given a more clear picture of the gospel and a deeper understanding of what it means for today, right now.
Thursday, December 29, 2011
All Good Things Must Come to an End
At least here on earth.
You know those things you look forward to with anticipation for days/weeks/months, then the moment finally arrives and passes far too quickly? For me, spending time with my family is that type of feeling. Having 3 siblings, each married with their own family, it's difficult to get all of us in the same place. So, when we do--it's a special treat. I want to soak it all in. But, then it's over and everyone goes back to their respective jobs, responsibilities, life as we know it.
One moment the house is full and loud and filled with chaos, the next--silent.
And then that reminder comes that the good things in this life, given to us as gifts to be enjoyed from the hand of the Father, are temporary. And though they are good gifts, they aren't the end in themselves. They are means to the end of pointing us to the Giver of those gifts. They are to point us to the good things He has in store for us for all eternity--things that will never come to an end.
But, in the meantime, I'll take those moments--as quickly as they seem to pass. Here are some of those moments from the past few days with everyone in one place.
You know those things you look forward to with anticipation for days/weeks/months, then the moment finally arrives and passes far too quickly? For me, spending time with my family is that type of feeling. Having 3 siblings, each married with their own family, it's difficult to get all of us in the same place. So, when we do--it's a special treat. I want to soak it all in. But, then it's over and everyone goes back to their respective jobs, responsibilities, life as we know it.
One moment the house is full and loud and filled with chaos, the next--silent.
And then that reminder comes that the good things in this life, given to us as gifts to be enjoyed from the hand of the Father, are temporary. And though they are good gifts, they aren't the end in themselves. They are means to the end of pointing us to the Giver of those gifts. They are to point us to the good things He has in store for us for all eternity--things that will never come to an end.
But, in the meantime, I'll take those moments--as quickly as they seem to pass. Here are some of those moments from the past few days with everyone in one place.
 |
| Little Brooklyn LOVED the dogs. |
 |
| The girls loved our time eating (and chatting, of course) |
 |
| The classic, impromptu "Quick, before everyone leaves" family picture |
 |
| The "older" kids loved their time hanging out, being the cool kids they are |
 |
| All the grand kids in one place! |
There you have it! A glimpse into the Klopfenstein family Christmas gathering. The good news is that, for those who are old enough, everyone in our family has been saved by Jesus and we'll get to spend all eternity worshiping Him together. Now, THAT is a gathering to look forward to!
Sunday, December 25, 2011
I think this needs a frame in my house
Remember that you have only one soul;
that you have only one death to die;
that you have only one life, which is short and has to be lived by you alone;
and that there is only one glory, which is eternal.
If you do this, there will be many things about which you care nothing.
-Teresa of Avila
(as quoted in "No Longer a Slumdog")
My easily-distracted heart and mind really needed to read that. And, knowing how prone I am to quickly forget the only things that really matter, I think I need to frame it and put it some place where I can read it often.
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
The Good Guys Make a Comeback
My mom has always been a fan of the shows where the good guy wins. As long as I can remember, we've watched the shows where criminals are caught, must pay for their actions and justice is met. You name it--Law and Order, CSI, and of course, Walker Texas Ranger. I grew up cheering for the good guy with her, which is why I'm not too surprised to find out that my mom has been just as excited to watch football since Tim Tebow has come along as I am. Neither of us know much about football (to my dad and brothers' dismay), but according to word on the street, you don't really need to know much about football to watch Tebow play--you just get to see the good guy win (and win, and win).
But, Wait! Before you stop there because you think this is just another rambling about Tebow to add to the plethora of articles out there--about whether or not he's a good quarterback, what the secret to his success is, whether or not he needs to tone down his religious comments, about Tebowmania, Tebowing, or any other verb, noun, and adjective that has been created out of the madness--let me just say that this article is just a simple appreciation of a good guy. And whether or not he ever wins another football game, I just want to take a moment to share why I appreciate Tim Tebow. And it starts with what Tebow is not.
Apart from the countless number of articles on Tebow that have been popping up all over the internet, there has been another topic that has come up quite frequently--the decline of real men. There's been entire books written lately about how increasingly more men are staying at home well into their 30s, playing video games for the majority of their day, not finishing college degrees (or finishing much of anything), and yet still having all the "fun" with any woman they want. Our movies reflect these type of men; college campuses reflect the epidemic that seems to be occurring in our culture today; I read an article on CNN a couple of months ago that helped paint a picture of the dilemma our society faces today. As a single woman, I speak on behalf of us all that these trends are anything but encouraging.
In the midst of it all, enters Tim Tebow. He's a successful college football player who makes it to the NFL and continually proves critics and foes wrong with his success. He has multiple endorsements, is talked about all over the news and internet, and within the last few weeks has become one of the most talked about athletes in any professional league.
Now, we've seen these guys before--the extremely successful, nothing-stands-in-their-way type of athletes that people can't stop talking about.
The difference with Tebow is that instead of hearing about which celebrity woman is his newest accessory or how many houses he owns or how much money he makes or the brawl he got himself into at a bar, we hear about the hospital he's building in the Philippines, the sick kids he's visiting in hospitals, the fact that he has claimed to be saving himself for marriage and--overshadowing all of it--he has a deep and bold commitment to live for Jesus Christ (and that commitment far outshines any of his football achievements).
At this point, every single girl in America should be rejoicing. Not because we have a chance to be with Tim Tebow; not because he is perfect by any means and should be the standard to which all men should be held. But, we should be overjoyed when we acknowledge that celebrity athletes are a beacon for the culture of the social "norm." Just when we started to hum the tune "Where have all the good men gone?", a celebrity athlete steps in and shows us that good guys in their truest form still do exist. They're not all professional athletes that the world is talking about, or men who have been given the enormous platform that Tebow has. But, guys like Tebow remind us all that the guys worth waiting for are out there and that our hopes of finding a man who can rise above the cultural norm, work hard, and take a stand for what they believe, all the while remaining humble and holding fast to Jesus Christ is not just a shot in the dark.
So, thank you, Tim Tebow for rising to the challenge and showing America that fame and success doesn't have to equate to arrogance and immorality; and thank you for reminding a disillusioned generation of girls that good guys--even celebrity athlete ones--still do exist.
Out of the Tebow madness, a few really well-thought articles have been written. Here are the best I've seen:
http://www.grantland.com/story/_/id/7319858/the-people-hate-tim-tebow A very interesting evaluation from a secular perspective as to why there's so much "buzz" about Tebow.
http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/tgc/2011/12/13/tebow-calvin-and-the-hand-of-god-in-sports/ The most in-depth and well-written answer to the daunting question of whether or not God is helping Tebow win games. (The last 2 paragraphs are the best, in my opinion.)
http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/current-events/features/27544-tebow-time A great challenge for believers in how we need to respond to Tebow--regardless of where we land in our views about him.
But, Wait! Before you stop there because you think this is just another rambling about Tebow to add to the plethora of articles out there--about whether or not he's a good quarterback, what the secret to his success is, whether or not he needs to tone down his religious comments, about Tebowmania, Tebowing, or any other verb, noun, and adjective that has been created out of the madness--let me just say that this article is just a simple appreciation of a good guy. And whether or not he ever wins another football game, I just want to take a moment to share why I appreciate Tim Tebow. And it starts with what Tebow is not.
Apart from the countless number of articles on Tebow that have been popping up all over the internet, there has been another topic that has come up quite frequently--the decline of real men. There's been entire books written lately about how increasingly more men are staying at home well into their 30s, playing video games for the majority of their day, not finishing college degrees (or finishing much of anything), and yet still having all the "fun" with any woman they want. Our movies reflect these type of men; college campuses reflect the epidemic that seems to be occurring in our culture today; I read an article on CNN a couple of months ago that helped paint a picture of the dilemma our society faces today. As a single woman, I speak on behalf of us all that these trends are anything but encouraging.
In the midst of it all, enters Tim Tebow. He's a successful college football player who makes it to the NFL and continually proves critics and foes wrong with his success. He has multiple endorsements, is talked about all over the news and internet, and within the last few weeks has become one of the most talked about athletes in any professional league.
Now, we've seen these guys before--the extremely successful, nothing-stands-in-their-way type of athletes that people can't stop talking about.
The difference with Tebow is that instead of hearing about which celebrity woman is his newest accessory or how many houses he owns or how much money he makes or the brawl he got himself into at a bar, we hear about the hospital he's building in the Philippines, the sick kids he's visiting in hospitals, the fact that he has claimed to be saving himself for marriage and--overshadowing all of it--he has a deep and bold commitment to live for Jesus Christ (and that commitment far outshines any of his football achievements).
At this point, every single girl in America should be rejoicing. Not because we have a chance to be with Tim Tebow; not because he is perfect by any means and should be the standard to which all men should be held. But, we should be overjoyed when we acknowledge that celebrity athletes are a beacon for the culture of the social "norm." Just when we started to hum the tune "Where have all the good men gone?", a celebrity athlete steps in and shows us that good guys in their truest form still do exist. They're not all professional athletes that the world is talking about, or men who have been given the enormous platform that Tebow has. But, guys like Tebow remind us all that the guys worth waiting for are out there and that our hopes of finding a man who can rise above the cultural norm, work hard, and take a stand for what they believe, all the while remaining humble and holding fast to Jesus Christ is not just a shot in the dark.
So, thank you, Tim Tebow for rising to the challenge and showing America that fame and success doesn't have to equate to arrogance and immorality; and thank you for reminding a disillusioned generation of girls that good guys--even celebrity athlete ones--still do exist.
Out of the Tebow madness, a few really well-thought articles have been written. Here are the best I've seen:
http://www.grantland.com/story/_/id/7319858/the-people-hate-tim-tebow A very interesting evaluation from a secular perspective as to why there's so much "buzz" about Tebow.
http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/tgc/2011/12/13/tebow-calvin-and-the-hand-of-god-in-sports/ The most in-depth and well-written answer to the daunting question of whether or not God is helping Tebow win games. (The last 2 paragraphs are the best, in my opinion.)
http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/current-events/features/27544-tebow-time A great challenge for believers in how we need to respond to Tebow--regardless of where we land in our views about him.
Saturday, December 10, 2011
The Jesus Storybook Bible
The intended ages for the book is 4-7....but I have been completely engrossed in it the past few days. I love the way it is written and how it can make me excited to find out what happens next even though I already know the story. It's imaginative and creative and makes my heart race in the same way that reading about Aslan in the Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe does (And, not to mention--the artwork is beautiful!). It tells the full story of redemption from the Fall in the garden of Eden to the second coming of Jesus when He makes everything right again. The entire Bible is told as one big Story where each individual part--from Abraham's sacrifice of Isaac to the parting of the Red Sea--is told in a way that points to Jesus and talks of the "Great Rescue Plan" that is being carried out and how all of these accounts are just foreshadows of what is to come in Jesus.
Here's a little taste of why I love it so much. This is an excerpt from Jesus' calling of the 12 disciples, starting off right after he left the temptation in the wilderness:
I am using it as inspiration for developing curriculum for teaching the 1st graders Bible. But, I highly recommend it to everyone--whether you have kids or not! It will awaken those adventurous parts of your heart and bring the Story of God's Redemptive Plan to life! You can click here to buy it on Amazon.
Here's a little taste of why I love it so much. This is an excerpt from Jesus' calling of the 12 disciples, starting off right after he left the temptation in the wilderness:
Jesus left the desert and set about the Great Rescue. He was going to get God's people back.
But first he needed to find some helpers and friends. He had a lot to do.
He would need some people to help him.
Who would make good helpers, do you think?
Clever ones? Rich ones? Strong, important ones?
Some people might think so, but I'm sure by now you don't need me to tell you they'd be wrong.
Because the people God uses don't have to know a lot of things, or have a lot of things--
they just have to need him a lot.
One day, Jesus was walking by the Sea of Galilee when he saw some brothers & friends
mending their nets. They were poor fishermen.
Jesus called out to them, "Let's go!"
Peter, Andrew, James and John looked up at this man on the shore.
And they couldn't explain it: their boats needed to be put away,
their nets needed mending, fish were still wriggling on the shore.
But something about this stranger made them just drop their nets and their fish,
leave their boats--and everything--and follow him.
This God-Man was like no one they had ever met. When they looked at Jesus,
their hearts filled up with a wonderful, forever sort of happiness
and inside it was as if they were running free in an open field.
Jesus asked 12 men to be his helpers: Peter, Andrew, James and John,
Matthew Philip, Bartholomew, Thomas, another James, Simon, Thaddaeus, and Judas.
Meeting Jesus would change all of them forever.
I am using it as inspiration for developing curriculum for teaching the 1st graders Bible. But, I highly recommend it to everyone--whether you have kids or not! It will awaken those adventurous parts of your heart and bring the Story of God's Redemptive Plan to life! You can click here to buy it on Amazon.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)