Recently, I've noticed a new trend in how high school girls are dressing, simply put: wear less, get more attention. I know that there are always trends that lead girls to dressing in ways that are less than flattering; but my heart has been really heavy lately when I drive past high school campuses or see groups of teenage girls together. I am sad for them. I wish they knew that their value was not in how short their daisy dukes are; I wish they knew that, while they are getting attention, it's not from the kind of guy that will make a good husband someday.
But, I am also sad for the guys who will make good husbands someday. I am sad for them because my nephew is one of them. At 15, he has a maturity that surpasses many guys in their 20s and 30s. He loves Jesus a lot. He is kind and respectful to everyone, especially girls. And he is desperately trying to guard his heart and mind.
He is also a great catch--a sophomore on the varsity football team; tall, dark, and handsome. He really is the complete package and will truly make a girl so happy someday. But, the girls at his high school have totally missed the way to his heart. They think that the shorter their shorts and the lower their shirts, the more attention they'll get. They've got him all wrong.
So, I am sad for these girls. I am sad for guys like my nephew. And, if I could sit these girls down, here's what I would tell them:
You are beautiful. The God of the universe created you and finds you precious in His sight. He longs to lavish you with His love and satisfy the longings of your heart in a way that no human relationship can. You are worth so much more than this world tells you. Your beauty in Him does not depend on your pant size or how clear your skin is. You are beautiful to Him because He made you--He placed each freckle right where He wanted it to be; He's numbered the hairs on your head. And someday, He may bless you with a man who will be a tangible expression of Jesus' love for you. He'll be the kind of guy worth waiting for and he'll want you to be his alone. So, please don't sell yourself short on guys who really don't care about you. Don't desire the kind of attention that passes when the next girl walks in the door. Desire the kind of affection that remains even when you don't deserve it. That's the kind of love Jesus loves you with and it's the kind of love the right guy will have towards you. It's a love worth waiting for. It's a love worth fighting for--choosing to skip out on the latest style because you know you're worth more than that. Your future husband deserves more than that. And if he's the kind of guy worth waiting for, he will appreciate you helping him out in such a tangible way.
Saturday, August 25, 2012
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Heaven without Jesus
I have been thinking through some important questions about heaven lately and my view of heaven. What is it that I am really longing for?
A few months ago, I was talking with the first graders about heaven. They could ask any question they wanted to. Most of them asked questions like, "Will we be able to fly?" "Can I play video games there?"
But, there was one little boy who sat there with his hand raised, shaking it in the air, about to burst if he wasn't called on. When I finally called his name, his question illustrated the staggering and vital difference between how I often think about heaven (as quoted above) and how I ought to think about heaven:
The critical question for our generation--and for every generation--is this:
If you could have heaven, with no sickness, and with all the friends you ever had on earth,
and all the food you ever liked, and all the leisure activities you ever enjoyed,
and all the natural beauties you ever saw, all the physical pleasures you ever tasted,
and no human conflict or any natural disasters, could you be satisfied with heaven,
if Christ were not there?
{Taken from God is the Gospel by John Piper}
But, there was one little boy who sat there with his hand raised, shaking it in the air, about to burst if he wasn't called on. When I finally called his name, his question illustrated the staggering and vital difference between how I often think about heaven (as quoted above) and how I ought to think about heaven:
Miss Klopfenstein, will Jesus be in heaven?
Yes.
Really?! You mean, we get to be there with Him...forever?
The answer to Piper's thoughtful question above, of course, is simple: no. No, I wouldn't be satisfied in a heaven without Jesus. HE is what I was created for; to worship Him and enjoy Him forever. He is not just my ticket to heaven; He is the source of all heavenly and eternal joy.
So also you have sorrow now, but I will
see you again, and your
hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you.
-Jesus
{John 16:22}
Did you catch that? The process? See Jesus, hearts rejoice, eternal joy. That's it. Nothing else is mentioned as the source of the joy apart from seeing Him. It's His presence that turns our sorrow into joy, not merely the absence of sorrow. He is our joy.
Not streets paved with gold. Not the mansion prepared for us. Not seeing friends and family who have gone before.
Jesus.
He really is there and we really do get to be with Him...forever.
And you know the best part? Eternal life starts now.
It's not a distant promise, yet to be fulfilled. It is certain and our life with Him begins now:
And this is eternal life, that they know you the only true God, and Jesus
Christ whom you have sent.
{John 17:3}
He has come. He is God with us. We get to know Him and the power of His resurrection now. And that knowledge will only be more pure and perfect and full on that Day. So, how I enjoy spending time with Him now is preparation and a mere shadow for what is to come. Just as I need nothing else in heaven for eternal joy, I need nothing else on earth; all that is good apart from Him--whether in heaven or on earth--is merely a gift from Him, but not my source for joy.
So, there you have it: heaven without Jesus is no heaven at all.
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Papa Klop
My dad has always done an exceptional job at practically showing his love for those he cares about. Whether it was working overtime to make sure we could have that extra special Christmas gift, or planning an extravagant vacation and holding nothing back, we always knew that he wanted the very best for us. Here's some of my favorite moments. I know there are many more, but these come to mind right away:
As most little girls do, I really wanted a pony. (Well, I wanted a lot of things and my dad usually got them for me, but THIS in particular really stole the show. What can I say? My dad was a softy.). So, back to that pony. We lived on 5 acres and already had 2 horses. But, they were race horses (literally), so they were a little intimidating to ride. I wanted a pony I could sit on and trot through the fields on. Well, my dad's friend was getting rid of their pony, so my dad jumped at the opportunity. So, in the most picture-perfect way, a brown pony with black mane, with pink ribbons intertwined, was dropped off at our house. Sam was the perfect horse for me.
For my 16th birthday, my dad was making me a hand-carved hope chest. He wanted to finish it for my birthday, and in the process he lost 2 fingers. So, we spent my 16th birthday in the ER. But, I sat there knowing that my dad cared for me more than I could ever imagine. {And the hope chest is beautiful.}
As much as I hated it in high school, I always knew that my dad cared about me because of how protective he was. I think one of the hardest things he has ever had to do as a dad was let his 20-year-old daughter get on a plane to fly to the other side of the world for 6 months. I got on the plane tearfully and sat down to read the index card he had handed me. In a style true to his own, he only wrote a few short sentences on the card. But, they were enough to let me know that he had done the best thing a dad could possibly do for his daughter: he had committed me into the hands of my Heavenly Father and was entrusting me to His care.
Thank you, Dad. I know that wherever I end up in this world, I have an earthly father who helps me to understand the love of my heavenly Father a little bit better.
As most little girls do, I really wanted a pony. (Well, I wanted a lot of things and my dad usually got them for me, but THIS in particular really stole the show. What can I say? My dad was a softy.). So, back to that pony. We lived on 5 acres and already had 2 horses. But, they were race horses (literally), so they were a little intimidating to ride. I wanted a pony I could sit on and trot through the fields on. Well, my dad's friend was getting rid of their pony, so my dad jumped at the opportunity. So, in the most picture-perfect way, a brown pony with black mane, with pink ribbons intertwined, was dropped off at our house. Sam was the perfect horse for me.
For my 16th birthday, my dad was making me a hand-carved hope chest. He wanted to finish it for my birthday, and in the process he lost 2 fingers. So, we spent my 16th birthday in the ER. But, I sat there knowing that my dad cared for me more than I could ever imagine. {And the hope chest is beautiful.}
As much as I hated it in high school, I always knew that my dad cared about me because of how protective he was. I think one of the hardest things he has ever had to do as a dad was let his 20-year-old daughter get on a plane to fly to the other side of the world for 6 months. I got on the plane tearfully and sat down to read the index card he had handed me. In a style true to his own, he only wrote a few short sentences on the card. But, they were enough to let me know that he had done the best thing a dad could possibly do for his daughter: he had committed me into the hands of my Heavenly Father and was entrusting me to His care.
Thank you, Dad. I know that wherever I end up in this world, I have an earthly father who helps me to understand the love of my heavenly Father a little bit better.
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
On verses I don't like & putting beauty in its rightful place
A friend and I talked about how strange blogs are. It's like a journal entry, but one that the whole world has the liberty to read. With that being said, this will be one of my more "intimate" posts. Prepare to get a glimpse into depths of my soul that very few know. I am sharing these thoughts because I am pretty sure I'm not alone in this. And I think most women have some dimension of this in their life. So here goes...
Wanna know some of my least favorite verses in the Bible?
"Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." Proverbs 31:30
"Let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious." 1 Peter 3:4
Before you dismiss me as a heretic for disliking these verses, let me explain.
First of all, I have these verses memorized and I have since high school. I didn't say they lack value or are somehow less God-inspired than other verses. I just have a really hard time agreeing with them. I mean...it's good in theory, right?
Wow, God looks more at my heart than what size of pants I fit into? And fearing the Lord is of more value than charm and beauty? That's actually really good news for us as women.
The problem is that we live in a world that stands absolutely antithetical to these verses. When a teenage girl is struggling with her identity and value, we can't just prescribe her some "it's your heart that matters" and send her into a world that tells her the exact opposite. AND, there are some women who break the mold of these verses completely.
We feel great talking about inner beauty until a girl walks in who is stunning on the outside--perfectly toned arms, beautiful skin, a glowing smile, on and on--AND has this amazing heart for Jesus.
My response?
"Really, Lord? If beauty is all about the heart, PLEASE tell me why you made some girls so incredibly beautiful. I mean have they EVER struggled with feeling inferior and unlovely and worthless?!"
There you have it. That's the honest truth. Those are my thoughts in those moments. It seems that those verses lose ALL their weight for me in those moments.
I've struggled with those thoughts for as long as I can remember. And I'm pretty sure most girls have, even the ones who seem--from every appearance--perfect.
Part of my frustration with those verses is that I want to be liberated by them. I desire to live like I really believe that it's true--that the cultivation of my heart is of infinitely more value than how I look. And there's been moments in the past couple of months where I've just wanted to know why my head and my heart just can't seem to connect on these verses.
I've given up trying to understand why God created some girls so stunningly beautiful without any effort while others struggle to find one good quality every time they look at a mirror. Yes, He has created each one of us unique and valuable in our own way. But, at the heart of it, sometimes those responses fall fatally short. And, in all honesty, I don't think there's an easy answer for those questions.
But....
I think there are 2 things that are essential for us as women if we are to move on from here and not get eaten alive by the lies the culture, our own minds, and the Enemy throw at us about what beauty is and what it isn't.
The first is simple, but it's essential. Fix your eyes on Jesus. Why? Because He's all that matters. The closer you get to HIS heart, the less you'll be consumed with YOUR physical appearance. It's crazy what our appearance-driven society has done to us. Somehow, we've bought into the lie that even Jesus was this blue-eyed, feather-haired, chiseled model who just happened to be God and love people and change the world. And now that you know some of my least favorite verses, I'll share with you one of my favorites:
Wait--you mean Jesus wasn't an Abercrombie model with long, flowy hair? You mean, he didn't turn heads when He walked into a room because of how good-looking He was?
Well, that's what the Bible says about Him. And if Jesus is the Son of God and didn't have an external appearance that stunned the world, why do we expect to? Why do we place such value on that, when our King wasn't even desirable?
You can be sure that Jesus did turn heads when He walked into a room. And it was for reasons that were so much more valuable and powerful than his external appearance--He was showing people what God was like--even the beauty of God--and He didn't need physical attractiveness to do that. Think about that. There are so many implications wrapped up in that. And so much freedom. We've been given the same Spirit that dwelt within Jesus (Romans 8:11) and therefore have the same power to turn heads for the right reasons.
Secondly, we have got to stop comparing ourselves to one another. We're destroying ourselves and one another in the process. Fight that temptation with everything in you. Yes, it's hard for us as women to get around those thoughts. But, think back to that Spirit that's within you--He raised Christ from the dead. And He can resurrect your heart to love other girls more than you criticize and compare.
So...think about it....We have been set free to be vessels of beauty the way our Creator always intended for us to be. Let's live like it.
*My friend said some things about this in her blog that I love. You should check it out.
Wanna know some of my least favorite verses in the Bible?
"Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." Proverbs 31:30
"Let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious." 1 Peter 3:4
Before you dismiss me as a heretic for disliking these verses, let me explain.
First of all, I have these verses memorized and I have since high school. I didn't say they lack value or are somehow less God-inspired than other verses. I just have a really hard time agreeing with them. I mean...it's good in theory, right?
Wow, God looks more at my heart than what size of pants I fit into? And fearing the Lord is of more value than charm and beauty? That's actually really good news for us as women.
The problem is that we live in a world that stands absolutely antithetical to these verses. When a teenage girl is struggling with her identity and value, we can't just prescribe her some "it's your heart that matters" and send her into a world that tells her the exact opposite. AND, there are some women who break the mold of these verses completely.
We feel great talking about inner beauty until a girl walks in who is stunning on the outside--perfectly toned arms, beautiful skin, a glowing smile, on and on--AND has this amazing heart for Jesus.
My response?
"Really, Lord? If beauty is all about the heart, PLEASE tell me why you made some girls so incredibly beautiful. I mean have they EVER struggled with feeling inferior and unlovely and worthless?!"
There you have it. That's the honest truth. Those are my thoughts in those moments. It seems that those verses lose ALL their weight for me in those moments.
I've struggled with those thoughts for as long as I can remember. And I'm pretty sure most girls have, even the ones who seem--from every appearance--perfect.
Part of my frustration with those verses is that I want to be liberated by them. I desire to live like I really believe that it's true--that the cultivation of my heart is of infinitely more value than how I look. And there's been moments in the past couple of months where I've just wanted to know why my head and my heart just can't seem to connect on these verses.
I've given up trying to understand why God created some girls so stunningly beautiful without any effort while others struggle to find one good quality every time they look at a mirror. Yes, He has created each one of us unique and valuable in our own way. But, at the heart of it, sometimes those responses fall fatally short. And, in all honesty, I don't think there's an easy answer for those questions.
But....
I think there are 2 things that are essential for us as women if we are to move on from here and not get eaten alive by the lies the culture, our own minds, and the Enemy throw at us about what beauty is and what it isn't.
The first is simple, but it's essential. Fix your eyes on Jesus. Why? Because He's all that matters. The closer you get to HIS heart, the less you'll be consumed with YOUR physical appearance. It's crazy what our appearance-driven society has done to us. Somehow, we've bought into the lie that even Jesus was this blue-eyed, feather-haired, chiseled model who just happened to be God and love people and change the world. And now that you know some of my least favorite verses, I'll share with you one of my favorites:
....he had no form or majesty that we should look at him,
and no beauty that we should desire him.
Isaiah 53:2
Wait--you mean Jesus wasn't an Abercrombie model with long, flowy hair? You mean, he didn't turn heads when He walked into a room because of how good-looking He was?
Well, that's what the Bible says about Him. And if Jesus is the Son of God and didn't have an external appearance that stunned the world, why do we expect to? Why do we place such value on that, when our King wasn't even desirable?
You can be sure that Jesus did turn heads when He walked into a room. And it was for reasons that were so much more valuable and powerful than his external appearance--He was showing people what God was like--even the beauty of God--and He didn't need physical attractiveness to do that. Think about that. There are so many implications wrapped up in that. And so much freedom. We've been given the same Spirit that dwelt within Jesus (Romans 8:11) and therefore have the same power to turn heads for the right reasons.
Secondly, we have got to stop comparing ourselves to one another. We're destroying ourselves and one another in the process. Fight that temptation with everything in you. Yes, it's hard for us as women to get around those thoughts. But, think back to that Spirit that's within you--He raised Christ from the dead. And He can resurrect your heart to love other girls more than you criticize and compare.
So...think about it....We have been set free to be vessels of beauty the way our Creator always intended for us to be. Let's live like it.
*My friend said some things about this in her blog that I love. You should check it out.
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Eternally Engaged
"All that is not eternal is eternally useless."
CS Lewis
I wonder how different my life would look if I truly believed those words. To think that there are energies I am devoting myself to that matter nothing for eternity breaks my heart. I'm sure it breaks the heart of the Father even more. How He must watch the activities I engage in on a daily basis that further my kingdom instead of His, with a sadness for all that I am missing.
Because it's really me that's missing something--not Him. His Kingdom is still going forth with just as much force and validity and power as ever, I'm just the one who has stepped out of the march to pursue worthless things. And I'm the one missing the power that is ushering forth His Kingdom.
For the Kingdom of God does not consist in talk but in power.
(1 Corinthians 4:20)
Dead men are raised to life. Blind see. Deaf hear. The crippled walk. Good news is preached to all. Lives are changed. Orphans are introduced to the Father of the fatherless. Broken people are restored.
And really? All that power and I'd rather spend my time doing frivolous things? Or worse--I'd rather think that I'm engaged in the beauty of the Kingdom by merely talking about it all the time?
There's so much more to the Kingdom to that. And I want to see it. To hear it, to reach out and touch it.
And there's so many areas where the Kingdom needs to be preached. Places where the depth of darkness seems unbearable.
Sex-trafficking.
Underdeveloped countries without clean water.
Orphans with no hope and no future.
People who don't know from where their next meal will come.
Those completely isolated from hearing the Good News of Jesus Christ.
My neighbors who think this life is all there is.
All these opportunities, waiting for the power of the Kingdom to come and overwhelm them. The keys to which I hold in my hand. And so often I choose the lesser things. Things that are eternally useless.
But the most amazing thing to me is that He knew that I would do that. He knew that when He chose to use imperfect people to bring forth His Kingdom here on earth, that we would often neglect the most important thing. That we would chose things that don't matter over the only thing that really matters. And yet, He still chose us to be the means He would use.
So...yes I am the one who is missing out when I choose the things of this world over things of eternal significance. But, there's grace to cover those attitudes of apathy and a God who uses the weak and foolish of the world to display His strength and wisdom. And that God has invited me to be part of the great Rescue Mission that He is carrying out. It's the greatest rescue ever carried out and victory is already secured.
So, I am left with this choice--give away my life to gain it? Or gain the whole world and forfeit my soul?
Saturday, February 4, 2012
The Merciful Judgment of God
I read a blog a few weeks ago that used the phrase "God's judgment is drenched in mercy." I have been seeing that on every page I've read in the Old Testament since then. I always knew it was there, but those words finally captured the stirrings in my heart.
One of the most significant places I see it is all the way back in the Garden of Eden. Adam and Eve have just disobeyed God. They have broken the heart of the One who created them. They have lost the perfect intimacy with Him that they once shared. To them, this is the end of the story. But, God's judgment is drenched in mercy:
One of the most significant places I see it is all the way back in the Garden of Eden. Adam and Eve have just disobeyed God. They have broken the heart of the One who created them. They have lost the perfect intimacy with Him that they once shared. To them, this is the end of the story. But, God's judgment is drenched in mercy:
Then the Lord God said, “Behold, the man has become like one of us in knowing good and evil. Now, lest he reach out his hand and take also of the tree of life and eat, and live forever—” therefore the Lord God sent him out from the garden of Eden to work the ground from which he was taken. He drove out the man, and at the east of the garden of Eden he placed the cherubim and a flaming sword that turned every way to guard the way to the tree of life. (Gen. 3:22-24)
Think for a moment of what could have happened if Adam and Eve ate of the knowledge of the tree of good and evil and then ate from the tree of life. Now that they'd eaten of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, their eyes have been opened to sin. They could never go back to how it once was. But imagine if, with their new knowledge of good and evil and their now sinful hearts, they ate the tree of life and lived forever. There would never be an end to what sin had ruined. They would be trapped without end in those sinful bodies.
Yes, God sending them out of the Garden was a demonstration of the broken relationship between Creator and creation. But, it was also God's merciful plan to withhold Adam and Eve from trapping themselves in their sinful bodies for all eternity. God didn't want it to be that way. He sent them out of the Garden knowing that it would cost Him his very life to bring them back in. But, He knew that if they stayed in the Garden, there would be no end to the pain and brokenness.
And then, after years and years of God's people waiting and wandering and hungering and doubting, the promised Rescuer found Himself in a garden, asking that this cup might pass from Him. This cup of the burden of the world. This cup that was filled with the raging bitterness of sin. This cup that was filled the day the Garden was emptied.
And He drank the fullness of the cup. It wasn't a last ditch effort to try and fix this problem. This was His plan from before He formed the earth. God Himself was the only way for humanity to enter back into the captivating beauty of the Garden. And as painful as it was to watch the people He created walk in such darkness and pain, He knew that when they entered back into the Garden, they would be all the better for having been away from it.
He knew that because we have been walking in the devastation of injustice on this earth, we will delight all the more in the perfect justice that we will finally see before His throne for all eternity; because we have experienced the pain of death, we will understand the breathtaking beauty of unending life all the more; because we have known evil, we will know good in a way that we never could have any other way.
And there lies a major difference between the angels and God's redeemed people; yes, the angels will worship God for all eternity. Yes, the angels live before the face of God and are amazed at His glory. But, they will never understand grace because they've never known sin. They've seen it from a distance, but their hearts have never been broken by it in the same way ours are by living in a sinful world. We can worship God in a way that the angels can't because there are facets of His character that they have not experienced.
1 Peter 1 talks about the living hope we have that is tested by the fire of trial, the salvation that the prophets waited in anticipation for that we now have, and how we have been bought with the blood of the Lamb. Right in the middle, it says that these are "things into which angels long to look." (1:12)
They will never know the fire of trials that refine our hearts and the indescribable anticipation of one day being released from these sinful bodies and a sinful world to finally worship this God as He fully deserves. They worship Him because He is worthy and are blinded by His brilliant glory. But, they don't know what it's like to be blinded from seeing His glory.
I am thankful for God's merciful judgment that made the hope of relief from sin possible. I am thankful to know His grace because of knowing sin. And I anxiously await one day seeing Him for who He really is and for the memories I will have of sin that will serve as even deeper reason to praise Him for what He has rescued me from.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
What Half a Life of Parkinson's Disease has taught me about God
I still remember the many dark, tear-filled nights of confusion and despair. At 12 years old, I didn't understand what the announcement really meant. I just knew it wasn't good and that somehow it changed life as I knew it, forever.
I was in Junior High, an already awkward phase of life. There was many things I didn't understand at the time--like boys, friendships, algebra, the way my body was changing. With the addition of my 4 cousins and aunt, we had 5 extra people living under the same roof . My favorite dog and beloved pony both died. And now this. This news that kept haunting me, though I didn't even fully understand what it meant.
"Your mother has Parkinson's Disease." My dad's calm tone helped ease the sting, but only slightly.
I knew something wasn't right over the past few months. My mom just wasn't herself. And now doctors and second opinions had affirmed the news that months of speculation had feared.
This year marks 12 years since my mom was diagnosed with Parkinson's and thus means my mom has had the disease for half of my life. I've known my mom with Parkinson's as long as I knew her without. And, since the early years of life aren't remembered very clearly, it's safe to say that she has had Parkinson's in the majority of my memories with her.
When I think about that year in my life, a dark and gloomy cloud still hangs over most of what I remember. And yet, in the years since then, streams of sunlight have broken through as I can trace God's faithful hand over each and every detail. Through Parkinson's Disease, He has taught me lessons that I'm not sure I could learn any other way. I still wish that my mom didn't have to go through what she does every single day; but, it's what God has chosen for her and for our family, so we accept it--even if it's sometimes through tears. Here are some of the lessons He's taught me:
1) He is all I have. As a junior higher, everything around me was changing and nothing was reliable. My mom was the most sure and constant thing in my life. Or so I thought. She was there every morning when I woke up and every day when I came home. She was the only person I told everything and was the shoulder to cry on when my friends let me down or when I didn't do well on a test. Yet, she was still human. God used her being diagnosed with Parkinson's to show me that He alone needed to be my refuge and hope and sure foundation. The news rocked my world in such a real way, mostly because it reminded me that my mom wouldn't last forever. She couldn't meet my every need; she was never meant to. Only the God of the universe could do that; and He had stepped into a broken world to be everything I would ever need.
2) There is more. This world is broken and it's passing away. Seeing the frailty of my mom's previously healthy and strong body caused me to look forward to the hope of new bodies in heaven. And more than new bodies, the new life that awaits us; a life without brokenness and disease and all the damaging effects of sin. I long for that day for my mom. I long for that day for all of humanity. The day when we will know fully what we were created for; that which sin stole in the Garden, that which God became man to win back for us. And somehow, it will be even more beautiful for having once been so broken. Knowing what life in perfect unity with God is like will be understood so much more richly for having once been a stranger to that unity. When my mom has a renewed body, she will appreciate it so much more for once walking in a body tormented by disease.
3) Life is a vapor. Though it's true with or without Parkinson's, the disease is a reminder that I don't know how long I will have my mom. The thought of not having her here on my wedding day or to meet my kids someday frightens me. But, I am not called to worry about those things. She is here today. And none of us are guaranteed tomorrow. I have learned to embrace the today that I have with my mom and with others and to see each moment that is given from the hand of God as an undeserved gift.
4) He teaches through affliction what we cannot learn through mercies. I was first confronted with this idea in an Ann Judson biography. There are things that I truly cannot learn apart from pain and affliction. For example, I have experienced the comfort of God in ways that I never could have experienced without the pain of Parkinson's disease. I have experienced an aching for heaven that I would never know without the discomfort the disease has brought. I have grown to love and cling to the promises of God in ways that I never would have without being desperate for them.
5) He is compassionate and merciful. James 5:11 has become a favorite verse of me over the past couple of years. It says that in the story of Job, we see the purpose of the Lord--that He is compassionate and merciful. When I first read it, I was just confused. I could think of a million other adjectives to describe God's purpose through Job's story before the words "compassionate" and "merciful" would come to mind. But, as I've reflected on this journey our family has taken with Parkinson's Disease, I have come to understand the purpose of the Lord in deeper ways, ways that point so powerfully to His compassion and mercy. He is compassionate and merciful to bring us to a place of groaning in these earthly tents so that we're always longing for Home. He is compassionate and merciful to allow us to walk through pain so that we can share with Him in His suffering. He is compassionate and merciful to let us experience discomfort so that we can know the depth of comfort that He alone can offer us. He is compassionate and merciful to look past our desperate groaning to be removed from our difficult circumstances, knowing that He is producing in us something infinitely more valuable than we could ever imagine--becoming more like Him. He sees our pain, He bears it with us, and yet He allows it to continue because His ultimate goal for us is our holiness, not our momentary happiness. What a compassionate and merciful God.
God is writing a beautiful story that started before the foundation of the world and will continue for all eternity. And He uses every hurt and pain and disappointment for the good of His ultimate purpose. Parkinson's Disease isn't outside of His control. It's part of His plan, not just for my mom and our family, but for the bigger story He's writing--the story of redeeming the world that has been broken by sin. One day, Parkinson's disease will be no more. One day, the tears that this disease and so many others have caused will be wiped away, forever. One day, it will all be made right. And the memories of all this earthly pain will serve as a reminder of just how much Christ won for us on the cross. And we will worship Him forever because of it.
I was in Junior High, an already awkward phase of life. There was many things I didn't understand at the time--like boys, friendships, algebra, the way my body was changing. With the addition of my 4 cousins and aunt, we had 5 extra people living under the same roof . My favorite dog and beloved pony both died. And now this. This news that kept haunting me, though I didn't even fully understand what it meant.
"Your mother has Parkinson's Disease." My dad's calm tone helped ease the sting, but only slightly.
I knew something wasn't right over the past few months. My mom just wasn't herself. And now doctors and second opinions had affirmed the news that months of speculation had feared.
This year marks 12 years since my mom was diagnosed with Parkinson's and thus means my mom has had the disease for half of my life. I've known my mom with Parkinson's as long as I knew her without. And, since the early years of life aren't remembered very clearly, it's safe to say that she has had Parkinson's in the majority of my memories with her.
When I think about that year in my life, a dark and gloomy cloud still hangs over most of what I remember. And yet, in the years since then, streams of sunlight have broken through as I can trace God's faithful hand over each and every detail. Through Parkinson's Disease, He has taught me lessons that I'm not sure I could learn any other way. I still wish that my mom didn't have to go through what she does every single day; but, it's what God has chosen for her and for our family, so we accept it--even if it's sometimes through tears. Here are some of the lessons He's taught me:
1) He is all I have. As a junior higher, everything around me was changing and nothing was reliable. My mom was the most sure and constant thing in my life. Or so I thought. She was there every morning when I woke up and every day when I came home. She was the only person I told everything and was the shoulder to cry on when my friends let me down or when I didn't do well on a test. Yet, she was still human. God used her being diagnosed with Parkinson's to show me that He alone needed to be my refuge and hope and sure foundation. The news rocked my world in such a real way, mostly because it reminded me that my mom wouldn't last forever. She couldn't meet my every need; she was never meant to. Only the God of the universe could do that; and He had stepped into a broken world to be everything I would ever need.
2) There is more. This world is broken and it's passing away. Seeing the frailty of my mom's previously healthy and strong body caused me to look forward to the hope of new bodies in heaven. And more than new bodies, the new life that awaits us; a life without brokenness and disease and all the damaging effects of sin. I long for that day for my mom. I long for that day for all of humanity. The day when we will know fully what we were created for; that which sin stole in the Garden, that which God became man to win back for us. And somehow, it will be even more beautiful for having once been so broken. Knowing what life in perfect unity with God is like will be understood so much more richly for having once been a stranger to that unity. When my mom has a renewed body, she will appreciate it so much more for once walking in a body tormented by disease.
3) Life is a vapor. Though it's true with or without Parkinson's, the disease is a reminder that I don't know how long I will have my mom. The thought of not having her here on my wedding day or to meet my kids someday frightens me. But, I am not called to worry about those things. She is here today. And none of us are guaranteed tomorrow. I have learned to embrace the today that I have with my mom and with others and to see each moment that is given from the hand of God as an undeserved gift.
4) He teaches through affliction what we cannot learn through mercies. I was first confronted with this idea in an Ann Judson biography. There are things that I truly cannot learn apart from pain and affliction. For example, I have experienced the comfort of God in ways that I never could have experienced without the pain of Parkinson's disease. I have experienced an aching for heaven that I would never know without the discomfort the disease has brought. I have grown to love and cling to the promises of God in ways that I never would have without being desperate for them.
5) He is compassionate and merciful. James 5:11 has become a favorite verse of me over the past couple of years. It says that in the story of Job, we see the purpose of the Lord--that He is compassionate and merciful. When I first read it, I was just confused. I could think of a million other adjectives to describe God's purpose through Job's story before the words "compassionate" and "merciful" would come to mind. But, as I've reflected on this journey our family has taken with Parkinson's Disease, I have come to understand the purpose of the Lord in deeper ways, ways that point so powerfully to His compassion and mercy. He is compassionate and merciful to bring us to a place of groaning in these earthly tents so that we're always longing for Home. He is compassionate and merciful to allow us to walk through pain so that we can share with Him in His suffering. He is compassionate and merciful to let us experience discomfort so that we can know the depth of comfort that He alone can offer us. He is compassionate and merciful to look past our desperate groaning to be removed from our difficult circumstances, knowing that He is producing in us something infinitely more valuable than we could ever imagine--becoming more like Him. He sees our pain, He bears it with us, and yet He allows it to continue because His ultimate goal for us is our holiness, not our momentary happiness. What a compassionate and merciful God.
God is writing a beautiful story that started before the foundation of the world and will continue for all eternity. And He uses every hurt and pain and disappointment for the good of His ultimate purpose. Parkinson's Disease isn't outside of His control. It's part of His plan, not just for my mom and our family, but for the bigger story He's writing--the story of redeeming the world that has been broken by sin. One day, Parkinson's disease will be no more. One day, the tears that this disease and so many others have caused will be wiped away, forever. One day, it will all be made right. And the memories of all this earthly pain will serve as a reminder of just how much Christ won for us on the cross. And we will worship Him forever because of it.
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