Do you want to be single forever?
I've been asked this question quite frequently lately, in one form or another. It's a fair question. I'm 23 years old, planning on moving overseas in the not-so-distant future, no prospective husbands in sight. I mean, I attended a Christian college and graduated, no ring by Spring! So, I completely understand why the question is being asked.
The responses are different. Some think I'm being too picky. Some think I'm portraying myself as too independent and confident. Some think it's just a matter of time. There may be truth to all of those things to some degree. But, the real issue in my mind is that I believe that God has called me to go overseas and serve as a missionary. The burden on my heart is heavy, the excitement and anticipation is growing. And, I believe He's called me to that regardless of whether or not I have a man by my side.
When I first sat down with my missions' pastor to talk about my desire for missions, one of the first questions he asked was, "Are you willing to go as a single woman and take on all that it implies?" It was a very important question, for many reasons.
One is that moving overseas as a single woman significantly lowers the number of male suitors. I just read an article today stating that single women on the mission field outnumber men 4 to 1! Based on my experience, I would have to agree. Of all the countries and missionaries I've visited, I can count on one hand the number of single missionary men I have met. (And even some of them have since gotten married.) Single women on the mission field though? I would have to sit down and figure it out. But, it's significantly more than men.
The second reason my missions' pastor wanted me to figure out if this is really something I am fit to do is that being single on the mission field is a lonely place to be. A new culture, new language, new food, loss of comfort and identity; those all add up to fear, frustration, struggle. And if you are single, you don't have a spouse to share it with. You may or may not have roommates. You may or may not have a deep connection with your roommates.
So, what's the solution?
Well, here's what I believe to be my solution, for me personally.
God has called me to be obedient and faithful. And I believe He's called me to go overseas, single or married. I don't think He's called me to stay in America until I get married, and He hasn't called me to settle for marriage if it's to a man who doesn't have a heart for missions. So, I have to come to terms with the fact that going overseas may mean that I never get married.
Honestly, I don't think that one is better than the other. They are just different. (Although, Paul's argument in 1 Corinthians 7 does seem to point to one being better. But, that's a different discussion.)
As a single woman, I can devote all my time and energy to loving and serving the people group I am working with. I can focus on language and culture-learning and still have time to build relationships.
As a married woman, my time and energy must first be devoted to loving and serving my husband and kids, and then to loving and serving the people we are working with.
As a single woman, I can proclaim the gospel in showing how fulfilling and satisfying Jesus Christ is. I can show that He is enough.
As a married woman, our relationship will be a proclamation of the gospel in showing how Christ loves His Church.
I'll be honest; I love being free and independent. I love being spontaneous. I love having time to myself. I love the freedom I have for ministry and how much time I can pour into others. I know that in marriage, a lot of those things have to be surrendered, or at least changed drastically.
At the same time, I love cooking and baking and would love to be able to do those things for a husband someday. I love kids and I would love to raise my own. I love serving and helping and I would love to serve and help a husband. Having a companion for life would be sweet.
I have enough married friends and enough single friends in their 30s to know that both singleness and marriage have unique blessings and struggles. I also know that whether single or married, God has me there for a reason. I do believe that He's big enough to provide a husband for me even if I move overseas, if that is what He wants.
So, I don't know what the Lord has planned for me personally. But, I know that whether single or married, my desire is to serve Him wholeheartedly. I do know that for now, His plan for me is to be a single woman. And His calling for me as a single woman is this:
"...The unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit..." 1 Corinthians 7:34
2 comments:
Right on, Emily! Since Father's love is too good to keep to ourselves, and He has put this compulsion in your heart to share it in a distant land, He is good enough to trust with the question of "finding a life partner or remaining single!" He coordinates the times and the seasons, worked it out that Jesus entered Jerusalem on the foal of a donkey on the exact date Daniel foretold in Daniel 9, and He can certainly connect you with a life partner in His precise timing if it is His good will. He can also fill your life with love, meaning and satisfaction in Him and through His people if singleness is His will for you.
A darling friend of ours serving in near Asia for the past 3 years, working on acquiring Turkish, very compelled to be there, rooming with a longtime girlfriend, recently entered into a long distance relationship with a friend at home. She visited at Christmas and he is visiting overseas now. He just proposed and now they are engaged! It can happen! I do not yet know their plans...whether or not he feels called to that region. But Father has the details in His hands.
You are wise to trust Him with this.
Hi Em...
When you first shared about Jimmy, you referred to this comment I made a year and a half ago, and I've been meaning to check back to see what I said. Today, I finally looked it up! It's fun to see what I said, long before you found your soul mate and also to see how father arranged events in both of your lives, spectacularly, and in his perfect timing!
As a follow up, the friend I mentioned is now happily married and she and her husband are awaiting the arrival of their first child who will be born in their adopted country! Her husband shares her compulsion to let their lights shine in that 'far from home' place that has now become home! Looking forward to seeing similar developments for you and Jimmy! Blessings, sistah!
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