Detached

That is how I feel right now.

Separate. Disconnected. Removed.

Some people thrive off of time alone. While I do need that alone time to recharge every once in a while, I am most often recharged being around people.

I am an external processor--which is hard to do by yourself.

Absolute quiet makes me want to go crazy, while being around the chaos of kids or family fills my heart.

All this to say, I'm what most would call a "people person."

Since March, I have been living by myself. Well, with 2 cats--but we all know that doesn't count, right? (Yes, I've become the infamous "single woman with all her cats" at the age of 23).

There are no other people. Nobody to talk to about my day or hear about theirs. Nobody to cook dinner for or bake cookies for. And after 6 months of living alone, I realize how much I really don't like it.

Having lived with roommates or other families or in various homes in the Czech Republic and everywhere in between, I was ready for a "break" to have my own space. So, when this opportunity came up to live in this home by myself, I thought it was ideal. And, it has been a huge blessing in many ways.

But, there's something missing in not having people around. As hard as it was to share a room with another girl (or 2 or 3), there's something refreshing about it (and it makes you clean out your closet a whole lot more than usual). I try to have people over as often as possible, but it's just not the same as having another presence right here in the house.

More than anything, I miss the fellowship that being around others brings. God created us to live in community. It's what He uses to refine us, encourage us, challenge us, humble us, and most importantly, make us more like Jesus Christ.

I would venture to say that nearly every command in Scripture given to us involves other people, or at the very least is best implemented in our dealings with others.   For example--being kind or patient or humble is easy when we are not accountable to anyone and are not affecting anyone in our unkindness, impatience or pride. It is so easy to become quickly deceived about who I am when it's just me, myself and I. And in this sense, it is far too easy to begin to think that I am kind or patient or humble when I am alone.

Because, after all...Who's going to tell me I'm wrong?

So, all this rambling has no purpose other than being reminded of and thankful for the way that our Creator has made us--for relationship. Yes, it gets messy at times and often feels like it's not worth the trouble. But, let me tell you--as one who has been walking likely the most "detached from relationships" path I have ever walked in my short life--it is worth it for what it produces in and through us. And it is the means that our Creator has wisely chosen to mold us into His likeness.

For me in this season, He's molding this people-person type of girl using the opposite means--by being alone more than I'd ever wish to be.  I'm learning how to be okay with the quiet and how to make the most of those moments between just the Lord and me.  I'm learning to choose to be refreshed by spending time in His Word and in fellowship with Him rather than always surrounding myself with people.  Because the beautiful thing about God is that He always has so much more for us--more to learn about Him, others and ourselves; more to taste and see and experience of Him.  So, while He created us to live in community and be in relationship with others, He also created us to only be completely satisfied in relationship with Him.  Those relationships are meant to point us to more of Him and His nature.  They are means to the most glorious end--knowing and loving our great God.