When God proves His love through discipline...

"He disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness.  For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it."  -Hebrews 12:10b-11

I'm so thankful that the God of the universe wants you and me to share in his holiness.  It's really an incredible thought, isn't it?  The problem is that God is more concerned with our holiness than our happiness, so we usually don't walk the path of becoming holy with excitement most of the time.  But, look at the promise He's given us in Hebrews--if we can just look past the immediate for a moment, we can see the amazing harvest that will come as a result of the painful discipline of the Lord.  Well, I am still learning what it means to be trained by that painful process.  Here's a perfect example of that.  

Last week was a week that I had been looking forward to for a very long time--Josiah Venture ladies' conference.  Spending an entire week with all of the women of JV was something I knew would teach me and stretch me so much.  Well, the week came and went and I did learn a ton, but not in the way that I had expected to learn everything.  Instead of spending the week deep in conversation with missionary women from all over eastern Europe, I spent the week shivering in bed with a fever, sore throat, runny nose and a painful cough.  I was stretched in so many uncomfortable ways and God chose to put me in a quiet, lifeless room on my back to let me know there were some things He wanted me to hear.  So--I listened.  I'll admit, not willingly at first.  I fought it.  I was upset that He chose the very week of the conference to make me so sick.  But, finally, the Spirit opened up my heart to simply listen.  

First, He helped me to realize that what was happening to me was God's answer to one of the prayers that I had been praying--for God to break me and humble me and make me depend on Him and not myself.  When you can hardly get out of bed each day, it's a very harsh reality that you are dependent upon Someone far greater than you.  Especially in ministry, I had become so self-sufficient (or so I thought) and was trying to do it all on my own.  So, at the conference as I laid in bed for 2 days straight and after I had made it clear that I wasn't happy--I surrendered. I finally gave it all over to Him--all my goals, fears, plans, all of myself--and it couldn't have been more liberating.  

Secondly, He revealed more of my sin to me and showed me that having me in bed, without energy and without a voice was His gracious way of keeping me from even more of that sin.  Something that has been a constant battle for me is fear of man, trying to win the approval of others, basing my life off of what people think of me.  Coming into the conference with tons of women who were JV missionaries and who I had heard so many amazing things about made me enter into the conference with hesitation and this feeling like I had to somehow "prove" myself to them.  Hmm....that's not very easy to do when you can't talk (literally--I even tried really hard to), and when your energy and your laugh and everything that makes you "you" is taken away.  But, praise God that He did!  Because He finally stopped me in my tracks and said, "Emily, stop!  Stop living for the people around you and live for me.  Look for my approval, live for my glory and live to bring a smile to my face.  Find your identity in me and in who you are in me...not who you are in the opinions of the people around you."  

Praise God that He loves us enough to strip us of our health and energy and make us completely weak and needy so that He can draw us back to where we need to be.  Praise God that He disciplines those He loves because, let's face it, I was in need of a "spiritual spanking", if you will.  

So now, I am entering into new ministries and new adventures and I'm entering them with a new focus--Lord, am I pleasing you?  Am I bringing you glory?  People could say a whole lot of nice things, or a whole lot of critical things, or a whole lot of nothing--but if you are pleased, then I will keep going.  

Thankful to be Disciplined by His love,

Emily